Rest
REST is both a verb and a noun.
According to Google, Oxford Languages defines it as the following:
To cease work or movement in order relax, refresh oneself or recover strength. (verb)
An instance or period of relaxing or ceasing to engage in strenuous or stressful activity. (noun)
Vacations and getaways are synonymous with REST. So, out of curiosity and from the proven assumption that, at times, men and women view things differently, we decided to do a little experiment — we asked both men and women, separately, these two questions:
What is your definition of rest?
What do you do to get rest?
HYPOTHESIS: Because men and women sometimes hold differing perspectives, they will also carry out REST differently.
METHOD: I posed those questions to women, then to men, via my personal Facebook and Instagram accounts*. In total, 14 women and 9 men responded. An unexpected, secondary experiment occurred — the responses from almost all of the women came in less than 48 hours, and I received only 1 response from men through a period of 2 weeks. Rather than give up on getting more feedback from men, I decided to get creative — I posted my questions to group chats** that included a minimum of 4 men, and I went back to my social media post to ask women to share the questions (verbally) with their husbands then post their responses.
RESULT: It’s true! Most men and women do view and carry out REST differently. While at the core both want regular life to come to a stop, most men actually mean ceasing their activity, altogether, in order to achieve rest. In contrast, almost every woman who responded described rest as stopping their regular activity in order to replace it with slower-paced activities (alone or with loved ones) that they normally don’t get the opportunity to do. Half of the men who responded were very simple in their definition and description of the replacement (ex: sleep, literally, period), while the majority of women took the opportunity to “think out loud” (ex: alone or not, the kind of rest, detailed examples). What was even more interesting is that several women either felt like they didn’t understand the idea of rest, or felt like the questions were too general to decide on an answer. Apart from the time it took to respond, not one man struggled with knowing their response.
Because nothing is more revealing than reading the actual responses, here are some of them:
WOMEN
“For me, rest means getting together with extend family and having a sit-down dinner; rest can be a night out with some close lady friends. Sleep isn’t refreshing, but of course it is needed to enjoy rest.” ~ Leah
“A pre-planned, set-apart time to recharge. To get rest I meet a girlfriend for breakfast, put chores/responsibilities on hold and plan a fun day with my kids, sit and read a book, do a puzzle or do a fun project.” ~ Silvia
“For me, rest is sitting and reading book, uninterrupted…taking a bath or spending the day at the beach, relaxing. Us, mommas, don’t get that often, but it’s nice when it does happen! Basically, time when I’m not cooking or cleaning.” ~ Anna
“Rest??? I don’t understand that word.” ~ Tracy
“For me, rest = peace. It can come in many forms. I can be at rest doing something by myself, with others, planned or unplanned….Sleep is rest, but only if its peaceful sleep. Rest is tuning out from the cares of this world for a period of time to recharge.” ~ Angela
“Having no demands on my time, body or soul. Being still, praying, reading, connecting with a friend, taking a nap, or even just painting my nails. It’s not a lot of time, just a quick reset. Cleaning something also helps me to rest.” ~ Spring
“To be able to relax and disengage from normalcy. Getting pampered and relaxing by myself with no distractions.” ~ Isabella
“Literal rest. Like sleep. Nap, read, watch something mindless, get acupuncture.” ~ Amanda
“A still quiet, calm mind. Not anxiously and frantically bouncing from one thought to the next. Not burning out under the panic and crazy busy-ness of daily life. Having one night a week with absolutely nothing planned.” ~ Sarah
“Not engaging with anyone outside of immediate family and being at home.” ~ Elaine
MEN
“Rest for me is literally sleep. Deep, uninterrupted sleep in a dark and freezing room is my preference. Recharging for me comes from being around people and socializing.” ~ Jason
“I sleep.” ~ Javian
“Mind-numbing silence with the people I love, while watching a movie or show, preferably somewhere I feel comfortable and am able to lift my legs. Or, a deep tissue massage.” ~ Pablo
“For me, ‘sleep’ is the answer to most questions.” ~ Michael
“I finally got my hubby’s true response to your question…he said, ‘Sleep!’” ~ Jen for Brian
“Recovering my energy and not moving.” ~ Anna for Felipe
“Rest is a sense of spiritual peace and calmness without fatigue or other physical sufferings. It is obtained after a good night’s sleep and waking up without any agenda.” ~ Peter
“Rest is the result of allowing myself to heal. I pursue rest by creating space and time to care for whatever part of myself needs healing. Having a mindset that values rest over ‘being busy' helps.” ~ Marcos
CONCLUSION: About a third of both men and women who responded differentiated between types of necessary rest: physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual. From the feedback I received, it seems like the key to achieving either of these types of rest is ceasing regular activity. So, what if we incorporated regular rest into our lives? It seems to me that the consequences we experience from a lack of rest are a reminder that we were created for this. And therefore regular vacations…occasional getaways…and a state of mind that makes rest a daily part of life. Most might say that I don’t know how to rest. I’m not so sure I agree. But, I value it, deeply…maybe because rest is something I wished my childhood family had enjoyed more of together, and something my husband and I have tried our best to create and maintain in our own family. Our motivation to host vacationers at our family’s condos comes from this same place — a place to find rest.
NOTES:
*Currently, I have 814 FB “friends” and 450 IG “followers.” These are compilations of connections over many years with people from various different continents, varied ages and different walks of life.
**These group chats each include a total of 6-12 people. One is our couples’ small group chat, and the other is our extended family chat.
